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Raft

by Deserve

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1.
Lock 03:17
“Lock” If there’s a lock, Lock it, I mind, and I mine to forget things, All the time, Am i in dress? I ask in forgiveness, All the time So if there’s a lock, Could you lock it? I mind, If there’s a lock, Lock it, I try too much Well, it’s too much! It’s too...
2.
“Natural World” Do I live in the natural world? Can I escape? Can you relax? You say the town’s too small, You squeeze your eyes, Can I escape? Can you relax? No, ‘Cos, “My chest aches!” No, “My life is a costume in red lakes!” Do I live in the natural world? My friend with no weekend, Flicks at water like flour, Plays me strung and upright, To the pits of rain, I land in San Diego, With my papers unbinding, You mouth, “I know, I know,” Your life is a floating string, Far away, That’s alright, go ahead, You die. Do I live in the natural world? Can I escape? Can you relax?
3.
Ranch House 03:04
“Ranch House” The people know about you, I don’t need to, You fall out my face, I don’t need to, Won’t anyone call me and help me? Private meeting at the ranch, It loosens my back, I bend in the light, You’ll come in the morning The people, they know about you So I don’t need to You fall out my face, I don’t need to, Won’t anyone call me and help me? Private meeting at the ranch, It loosens my back... I can feel my kid walking towards me, I can feel my kid walking towards me, I can feel my kid walking towards me, But don’t you trust me, ‘Cos i’d sell the wind if I could
4.
Raft 02:57
“Raft” I can hear my raft coming down to take me away My wife again I could see again Or stay here with my kid instead Say you say that I’m so glad You’re back dad home to me Hear you me I say I’m sorry Have you been lone? Have you been banned? You look away I worry You dig in the sand and man I worry You talk to the floor and man I worry She says it’s serious What’s that mean? She says it’s serious What’s that mean? What do you mean?
5.
Raft 2 02:06
“Raft 2” You’ve been tearing at my back, You’ve been pulling at my watch, I like that watch! So I can let you go, But you gotta let me go first, Yeah, I’ll let you go Just let me go first ‘Cos I’m in the wind and I’m blooming, I’m in the wind and I’m and I’m and I’m, Yeah, I’m in the wind and I’m blooming, I’m in the wind and I’m...

about

My wife and I were pregnant a little over two years ago. Around the 5.5 month mark, we went in for an ultrasound to check out the kid. The technician couldn’t figure out the kid. She said our kid was in a weird position.

Heartbeat was OK.

She left for a while, then said something like, “I’m sure I’ll see you soon,” which was a weird because that was supposed to be our last ultrasound until baby time.

An hour later, we were in our midwife’s office. “I’m afraid it’s serious,” she said.

Serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious.

Two days later, my wife’s water broke, and she went into labor. She looked at me and said,
“It’s OK. It’s over now.”

Through the rushing emotional destruction of the next few hours I did notice my wife’s strength and beauty. Some of you know her. She’s the best. She’s my hero. You’re reading this now, wife. I love you. It’s OK.

Anyway,
She gave birth to a very small, very beautiful girl.
My girl. So proud of my baby girl. I miss her a lot.
I miss you, kiddo. I miss you so much.

The grief was weird. Lots of memories that never happened
flashed through my mind, and I would lose my balance
and I would lose my focus and I would lose my cool.

I did find relaxation in writing so I wrote menacingly. I also
wrote furiously, and I also wrote in love and out of love
and I also wrote for love.

Those writings became songs and I recorded those songs
And now they are done and released. Please listen to them.

The album is very little and strange and vulnerable.
It is dedicated to my wife, and my very young child, B.

It’s called “Raft.”

Thank you.

-EP

credits

released March 8, 2018

Written and performed by Edgar MP
Recorded and mixed by Brian Jackson
Produced by Edgar MP and Brian Jackson

“Lock” feautures drum samples performed by Colby Dean and produced by Brian Jackson

Special thanks to Mary Haidri, Brian Jackson, Bianca Butler, Mikey Nguyen, and Nick Hawley Gamer.

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Deserve Portland, Oregon

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